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October 3, 2010 - Wicked Ithaca Aftermath

MontageIn the first portion of the program there were a ton of people there. Three bands, Pandora's Toybox, The Lobster Quadrille, and Psyche Corporation, all of whom had performed at Wicked Ithaca prior to being on LE, Gorgar, Little Gorgar, Adam, The Enforcer, Dave, and, Rick, Wulfie, and Wulfie's brother BILL!, the last three from The Metallic Onslaught. The bands were interviewed, first Pandora's Toybox, and then The Lobster Quadrille, both of which were first timers here, and they only were able to stay for the first couple of hours. Both bands's music was played, a couple of tracks each. They rock. Morte has another band called Sorrowseed, which can be found at A song of whose was also played, which also rocked. Psyche Corporation, which is Psyche Chimère, who has been on LE many times, was there for the whole program. Her music was played as well, is her website. She is cool. After the first two mentioned bands had departed, they sent Just Joe, all covered in Saran Rap in his attempt to make himself look invisible, out to have Wulfie, in his wolf mask, chase him through town. BILL! went with them, and streamed it on his Android phone to the LE website so the listeners could view it live. Someone accused Just Joe of being on pot, and someone else kept asking him for pot, with a cop right nearby, a sample of the brilliant humanity out there. They recounted there adventures when they returned. Tribute to the Past Russian Roulette was played. There are now ten thousand nine hundred eighty nine songs on the computer. If a bullet played, Rick, Wulfie, and BILL!, would each get to break a record over Just Joe's head. If no bullet, Just Joe would get to break a record over Rick's, Wulfie's, and BILL!'s heads. A bullet, the band XYZ. Just Joe got records broken over his head by Rick, Wulfie, BILL!, and Azkath smashed one over Wulfie's head for saying a bad word on the air on accident. Just Joe was knocked out for a bit, but he soon recovered. They decided to hypnotize Wulfie and send him into the future, to a week after the end of the world, to December 30th, 2012, to see if he saw the same thing Just Joe had seen when they did that to him a long time ago. Just Joe had seen, he said, bunnies, lots and lots of bunnies, the land was covered with them, but there was something different about the bunnies, they were frightening, and Just Joe still gets traumatized when it's mentioned to him, especially when they tell him they were probably shoggoths. Wulfie was sent to the future, and they asked him to tell them what he saw. He did see the bunnies, and shoggoths, he said the shoggoths were eating the bunnies. Then he said that, upon closer inspection, there was something wrong about those bunnies. Yes, there was something very not alright about them, he said it was bad, very bad, so bad in fact, that he couldn't say it, so, it was unspeakable. He was brought back. But, before Azkath brought him out of the hypnotic state, he told him that, although he would not remember hearing this, now, every time he heard the word metal, he would be allergic to wolves. And, when Wulfie was out of his trance, they started saying the word metal a lot, using it to describe a lot of the songs they were playing, as in "this is very metal", or "this isn't nearly as metal as I thought it would be". And, indeed, every time they uttered the word metal, Wulfie would start sneezing a lot. So, since Wulfie calls himself The Metal Wulf, now he won't be able to say or hear his name without violently sneezing, and he won't have any idea why, unless he reads this, of course, or listens to LE again. There started to be an Adventures In Listening, but the first song up was SOOOOO bad, sounding almost like a country song, not a metal (sorry Wulfie) song at all, that it actually was the first song ever to break the rule of Adventures In Listening, that, no matter how much it sucked, it would be let play all the way through, but no one could bear to hear this one all the way through, so, for the first time ever in this segment, the song, and the segment, was halted. There was two segments of Movie time, with Wulfie, Rick, BILL! , and Psyche Chimère participating. Rick, Wulfie,BILL!, and Psyche Chimère stayed for the whole program, though BILL! fell asleep about halfway through the night... 
-Fire Eater Wizard

November 7, 2010 - Tribute to the Past Russian Roulette Show

Recap by The Metal Wulf; (FEW Recap at end of Post) Alright, folks, you'd better all enjoy this one, because it's probably the only recap I'll be writing for The Last Exit For The Lost. So, how did this come about? What circumstances drove me to defect from The Metallic Onslaught for what would end up being only one night? Glad ya asked!

So, there was this sinister force in the universe known as Jeffie. Jeffie was a clone of the Last Exit's host, who we all know as the Demon Azkath.  (Well, more specifically, Jeffie was a clone of Jeff the Radio Guy, who in turn is a clone of Azkath, but hey, no sense in getting overly technical here...) On the last edition of The Metallic Onslaught, which was our Halloween show, Jeffie showed up as Pepe. Now, as the night wore on, Pepe decided I should wear his outfit, throwing his itchy poncho on me, and his sombrero, and also shoved his maracas in my hands. Hey, I did my best to play along, just go with it, try to have fun, yada, yada, yada... But then he had to go and chloroform me... This particular indignity was bad enough, but what came next was too much for this Wulf to take. The Onslaught's host, Joe Wyatt, suggested that Jeffie revive me by doing CPR, not knowing that I was slowly reviving on my own. But, Jeffie went with it anyway, and decided to give me mouth-to-mouth, clearly not knowing that tongue should NEVER be involved with the process. Suffice to say, Jeffie could probably have told you what the contents of my stomach were that night...

So, it was a a hard decision, but in the end I figured that it couldn't possibly be any worse going to Ithaca and joining up with Azkath's crew. As I understood it, Jeffie was never allowed on their show, so I would be free of him, once and for all! Now, I should mention that Rick from the Onslaught was also on hand this night, I think in the hopes of getting me to reconsider my move. But, my mind was made up!

And really, I'd thought I'd picked a good night to make my official debut! This was one of their Tribute To The Past Russian Roulette shows, which features nothing but older music The Russian Roulette portion comes from Azkath playing random selections of music. A "bullet" in this variation is actually in the form of a certain category of song, whether it's something that's been overplayed on mainstream radio, or something really cheesy, or a cover version. Those are a few examples anyway. When a bullet plays, someone gets to pick a little slip of paper out of a bag, and what's written on the paper dictates what comes next. The person who drew the slip chooses somebody ("victim"is a good choice of words, here...) to be the subject of whatever's written on the slip. Example: Shane became the subject of record breaking. Literally, having vinyl record albums broken over his head! Other bullets resulted in a few of the guys being piled into the rest room, which was full (and I do mean FULL!) of balloons, not to mention EVD taking a shot to the head with a DVD player (courtesy of me!). If you're a regular listener, I'm sure you know of what I am speaking! Actually, it was a great deal of fun until a bullet with Jeffie's name on it was drawn... Now, this meant that somebody had to actually call Jeffie to come onto the Last Exit, where he is normally forbidden. I mean, really, of all nights! What the HELL? Azkath suspected this particular bullet has been snuck into the bag by Just Joe. But rules are rules, so, against the wishes of nearly everybody there (except Just Joe), Jeffie arrived. It was a short visit, I must say... I think I may have let out a war cry of sorts, as I picked up my liter size bottle of Mountain Dew, and a sharp fragment of record album that just happened to be within reach. What happened next is probably far too gory for words, as I proceeded to bludgeon and slice Jeffie into a virtually unrecognizable lump of red goo in the hallway. Sloth, no stranger to The Last Exit, summed up part of the carnage, describing my ripping Jeffie in half after grabbing hold of each of his butt cheeks. Now, I really must have been in a blind rage, 'cuz I really don't quite remember that part... Anyhoo, what was left of Jeffie was probably far more shocking than the time I killed and ate all his llamas. Just Joe was highly displeased (okay, more like ENRAGED) at returning to find his friends' remains strewn about the hallway, and I think Azkath was a little put-out with me as well. He even went so far as to say that he wasn't making any more Jeffie's to send to the Onslaught. Now, Rick and I both agreed that the Onslaught would be perfectly fine with that, but Azkath seems to think that without Jeffie, we're only going to end up turning on each other. Actually, this was kind of a non-issue at first, since I'd still planned on staying true to my defection. At least, up until I became the subject of a bullet... Just Joe had drawn this particular slip, which simply said "Porno Joe". He didn't seem familiar with this particular action, but made me the target anyway. Azkath assured Joe that he'd remember soon enough, and began playing some really bad Seventies porn music. Next thing I knew, Joe was stripping his shirt off and giving me a lamp dance, bouncing his hairy monkey-like physique on my knees, rubbing my head. I think unrestrained panic would be a good way to describe my reaction. It took my beating him with a computer keyboard to get him off of me, and I quickly made a run for the door, screaming for Rick to get me out of there! Of course, once it was all over, Just Joe didn't remember a thing and I was emotionally scarred, quite possibly for life. They'd gotten me calmed down sufficiently, but I'd already changed my mind about my decision. I was gettin' out of there and returning to the Onslaught!

Hey, if nothing else, we don't have to worry about that annoying Jeffie anymore!