- Published in 2010 Show Archive
June 6, 2010 - Mongrel and Thirteen South CD Debut
The entire band Thirteen South was there for the first two hours of the program. They were interviewed about what's been/will be going on with the band, promoted upcoming shows they'll be participating in, and the songs from their brand new EP were played. Just Joe played balloon baseball on all of the band members except Dustin, who, for some strange reason, didn't want to participate in this fun, so band member Matty broke the final balloon on Just Joe's face. Adam Savage, the guitarist for the band Mongrel, called in for an extended phone interview. He talked about his band, and his band's upcoming performance at the next The Last Exit For The Lost Presents Show, which would be on the following Friday night. A song from his bands CD was played. They are cool. Show Listings had brand new theme music this week, the theme from "Star Wars", which Just Joe enjoyed, he made lots of laser and light saber noises. Two segments of Adventures In Listening happened, and Movie Time was interspersed throughout the night. And two people who haven't been there for a while were there this night, in the first portion of the program, Shane, and Ria...
-Fire Eater Wizard
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- Published in 2010 Show Archive
August 15, 2010 - I-Dosing Dave
EVD and Dave were both there, which might tend to disprove Azkath's theory of the week before that they are the same person, which EVD had strongly denied. Azkath had them take a picture with everyone in it, to document that both EVD and Dave were in it. He then told Shane, who was there after a long, long absence to prove that they were the same person. Shane said that he could do that, and went off to do so. He didn't come back. Azkath wanted to I-dose Dave. He was taken down to the basement, and left there I-Dose. When they brought him back up, the only thing he would do and say was scream "oogie woogie, oogie woogie" over and over. He ran outside and attacked a car going by screaming oogie woogie, oogie woogie at them. Everyone ran outside after Dave, they had to tackle him, and there was a humping pile. They finally got him inside, and, thanks to Adam, chained him to a chair. They found out that the way to cure Dave from oogie woogie-ing, was to feed him a pepperoni. Once Dave was back to being Dave, he said that he was upset that he had failed the Dead Host drill of a few weeks back, where Azkath would think up a scenario that would have led to his death, and everyone there would try to take over and run the show. Everyone had failed. And Dave had failed because when it was his turn to try and run the show, there was only silence, because, being that he is the worst co-host in the world, he wasn't there. Dave claimed that he could run the show and wanted to try. So Azkath devised the scenario, he was stuck on his roof, and raccoons ate his face, and he died, and then the raccoons set him on fire. Just Joe later had a problem with this, as these were things that happened to him, not Azkath, Just Joe accused Azkath of stealing other people's events, but for now they were going with that. Dave was told that he had to successfully play a Queensryche song, which no one else had been able to do, and then play a request of Little Gorgar's. Dave did both successfully, which means, I guess, that he is by far the most capable of taking over the program, the only one actually, but unfortunately, it doesn't matter, because he is never there to be able to run it should the need arise. Just Joe said that he wanted another chance to try running the show. But when he tried to play Queensrryche, the same thing that had happened before happened again, the only thing that would play no matter what he did was The Smurfs, doing a techno thing, which no one could ever even figure out where it had came from. Just Joe decided that, instead of playing music, he would give the webcam viewers a special treat, a puppet show. He had a glove with five monkeys on it for the fingers, and a Cthulhu puppet. He had Cthulhu start eating the monkeys. Dave is terrified of puppets for some reason (puppets and trees), so he ran away shrieking, and in his blind rush to get away knocked Azkath down the basement stairs, which is a first, in all these years, and all the people who have gone tumbling down those stairs, most often Just Joe, Azkath never has. He announced that falling down the stairs officially sucked, which I'm sure a lot of people would readily agree with him on, especially Just Joe. Azkath was pissed at Just Joe for causing him to fall down the stairs by bringing out his puppets and scaring Dave, and he threw Joe down the stairs. Dave was now gone for the night. There was a segment of Adventures In Listening, begun with new Soundgarden, of all things, but I liked it, and two segments of Movie Time. Gorgar was there in the last two hours of the program. He told us he'd been having some problems with his heart. We all wish him well with that, hopefully they will be cleared up soon. In the mean time, I guess, for his own good, the more bad things that happen to him at LE, the less they will happen to him in general... - Fire Eater Wizard
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- Published in 2010 Show Archive
September 12, 2010 - Wulfie Invasion
At the beginning of the program there was a ton of people there. EVD and Dave were there seeming once again to cast doubt on the theory that they are the same person. Tim was there, and he had brought with him his friend Steve again, so it was Steve's second time there. EVD was asked if he had broken Just Joe out of rehab where he had been put to cure his I-dosing addiction. EVD said that he had gone to the rehab, but Just Joe was not there. That mystery was very soon to be solved, because just then arrived Wulfie and his brother BBBIIIIIILLLLL!!! (You have to say the name BBBIIIIILLLL!!! like that, which is why Azkath insisted he now be known as Ed), from The Metallic Onslaught. They had with them a bound and gagged Just Joe. Wulfie arrived with his werewolf mask on, but soon took it off, saying of course he was not a werewolf. Wulfie said he and BBBIIIIILLLLL!!! err, Ed were going to hold Just Joe hostage until Azkath did something about Jeffie. Azkath told Wulfie he thought he had something he would like to put an end to this problem, he would do something he would normally never do, but just for him he would, he would play Bon Jovi, as Jeffie had told him how much Wulfie liked Bon Jovi. Wulfie said Jeffie was a liar. Wulfie demanded that Azkath make Jeffie stupid, even more stupid than he already was, like really, really stupid, so that Jeffie would believe that Wulfie was really a werewolf. They had them un-gag Just Joe (and they ripped duct tape off his whole head, tearing out a lot of hair doing that), and Just Joe said that he thought he could accomplish this, he would I-dose Jeffie to be really stupid. Everyone seemed satisfied with this solution, and they charged Just Joe with that task. Just Joe started freaking out when Wulfie and Azkath started talking about Shoggoths, so Azkath played his Hugging Music to calm him down. Just Joe hugged everyone, and EVD duct taped Just Joe Dave and Shane (more on Shane in a second) together. in all the chaos that ensued there was a big man pile, and Dave did an unspeakable thing to Shane, involving Dave's butt landing on Shane in an area well let's just say that scarred Shane for life, especially when a certain gas issued forth from Dave. Shane had arrived saying that he had finally brought the proof he had been dispatched to obtain several weeks ago. He presented a large file of proof. However, although there was a lot of proof for a lot of things they had not asked him to look into, like The Loch Ness Monster, Chupacabra, Sasquatch, which was all very interesting and fascinating, but it was not what they had asked him to prove. For what they had sent him to prove, that EVD and Dave were the same person, well, on that he had brought nothing. Well, Shane is grown from Just Joe's severed hand, so, how bright could he really be. If Just Joe usually screws up anything he's tasked with how can we really expect much more from his hand. However, Azkath gave Shane another mission to try. To go get stilts, because, in a few weeks, they were going to send Just Joe out on stilts and get people's reactions. Shane said he could get stilts and ran off immediately to do so presumably. It was EVD's 5th anniversary on September 11th, which was the Saturday that ended as this LE began at midnight. Happy Anniversary, EVD! For his anniversary Azkath gave EVD lots of Styrofoam and let him beat on everyone with it. Just Joe took some of the broken Styrofoam and put it down his pants, and then started throwing it at people. There was more slapping this week. Shane was told to slap Just Joe 'til he cried. It only took about two or three to accomplish this. Well, Just Joe had had a pretty trying night, what with being held hostage, having the skin and hair being ripped off his whole head when they un-duct taped him, being traumatized with all the talk of shoggoths, and being beaten down with Styrofoam. Then Shane was told to slap EVD 'til he cried. That took a lot more, and needed several pokes in the eye to get something that could be called a tear. There was three segments of Movie Time, which EVD (who had actually seen something, and, could actually remember what it was), Tim, and Steve participated in as well.
- Published in 2010 Show Archive
September 19, 2010 - We Make Tim a Man...
Shane was there for the second week in a row, and he had brought a person with him, a girl. Now last week, Shane had returned after many weeks absence saying that he had finally obtained the proof they had dispatched him to find. However, instead of bringing proof of what they had asked for, that EVD and Dave were really the same person, he had brought back a lot of proof for things like The Loch Ness Monster, Sasquatch, and Chupa Cabra, which, though all very interesting, again was not what he had been asked to do, in other words, he failed miserably. But he had been given another mission to perform. He was told to go forth and return with stilts, which they were going to have Just Joe wear and send him out in a few weeks. So now Shane was back, but not with stilts, he had brought crutches, but no stilts. When asked about this, he said that he did not believe stilts existed. So, Shane brought back proof for a lot of things of which some people doubt the existence of, but for something that the general consensus, shared by everyone, is that it certainly does exist, stilts, well, Shane doesn't believe they exist, probably because he couldn't find them and doesn't want to admit it. So, in other words, he failed miserably again, but, again, what else can you expect from someone who was grown from a severed body part of Just Joe's, his hand. It had been decided that Tim needed an intervention to make him a man, since he loves romantic chick flick movies, and his favorite show is "Dawson's Creek", and he got beaten up there twice this night, once by a girl. Tim didn't think he needed to become a man, saying he already was one, but everyone else insisted he did need it. They forced him to watch "The Retard-o-thon 2", 90 minutes of video clips of crashes, porn, and other stuff guaranteed to make him a man by the time it was finished. And it worked, Tim started talking like a wrestler, and saying he wanted to set stuff on fire, and break stuff, bring on the explosions! When asked what he thought of "Dawson's Creek", he said he hated that show, except for wanting to do the hot chicks on it, and, when he participated in Movie Time, he actually didn't review a romantic chick flick, but more of an action film, and he said the explosions were great. Just Joe was sent to the basement to fetch stuff for Tim to break. He returned with a big sheet of metal, which wasn't very smart on Just Joe's part, but then, what ever is smart for him, because Tim took the metal and hit Just Joe over the head with it repeatedly. Tim also beat on other people like Shane. He also went from being very polite, to rude and obnoxious, interrupting people and talking over them. There was a lot of violent behavior going on. Azkath decided to let Tim do a dead host drill, where he thinks up a scenario where he dies and lets someone else take over running the program to see how they do. Everyone else had done badly except for Dave, which doesn't count because he is the absolutely worst co-host in the world and would never be there if the need arose. Tim was confident he could run the program. Azkath thought of the scenario, he and Tim were dancing (a song had just been played that had turned out to be unexpectedly danceable, which had led to people dancing, which was what brought on that scenario), and Tim had become so violent now that he slammed Azkath into the door frame head first, killing him, and then throwing his lifeless body down the stairs and leaving it there (once again Just Joe protested that Azkath was stealing events from Just Joe's life and claiming they were his, but this was what they were going with anyways). So Tim took over running the program... And did really well, better than anyone else had done so far, playing Lamb Of God, Merciful Fate, and other metal, manly fare. Until... Suddenly Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name" played. Tim said he hadn't meant to play that, and had no idea how that happened, but then went on to say that he kind of liked it, really liked it, in fact. He kept getting more and more into it, losing his tough, manly voice more and more as he went. Then other people started rocking out to the Bon Jovi, 'til everyone was except for Azkath and EVD, who were both appalled and disgusted and dismayed. Azkath said he might have a way to salvage something from this total disaster... He sent out the Bon Jovi to me, to celebrate my 8th anniversary here, which was coming up that Wednesday, September 22nd, since I like Bon Jovi, which I do, I totally am a glam loving, '80's loving poser, and I had been rocking out to the Bon Jovi along with everyone else, except for Azkath and EVD, of course. So thank you very much, Azkath, that was very much appreciated, and, Happy 8th Anniversary to me! Tim, and some other people, wanted to hear the Bon Jovi again, but Azkath and EVD said no way. And just that one song seemed to have totally undone all of Tim's new found manliness for some strange reason. He loved "Dawson's Creek" again, and started raving about some romantic teen movies, one he loved, and one he was psyched to see. They gave up, concluding that perhaps one loud, obnoxious, rude dude, EVD, might be enough anyways. Tim departed, and we actually did hear Bon Jovi one more time this night.! Tim requested the song "Runaway", to listen to while he was driving home, and Azkath, apparently being in a very generous mood, actually granted his request, so we actually got to hear Bon Jovi twice in one night, to my great pleasure. Movie Time was interspersed throughout the night, with several people participating, and there was a segment of Adventures In Listening.-Fire Eater Wizard
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- Published in 2010 Show Archive
December 19, 2010 - Zombie Apocalypse Show
This was our Second Pre-Anniversary Count Down To The End Of The World Show, to mark the world ending in two years, on December 21st, since it might be a wee bit hard to celebrate it after that, at least here, maybe somewhere else, we celebrate it in advance. And, this year, we decided to prepare for it by taking the probably least likely scenario of how it will occur, although, you never know do you, a zombie apocalypse, and training for that, a test run through drill, if you will. EVD, Dave (for once!), Shane, Little Gorgar, Adam, Dustin, from the band Sorrow Of Batavia, Tim, formerly of Century Media, and, before that, of Victory Records, Tim's friend Steve, and BBBIIIIILLLLL!!!!!, who turned out to be Kal, were there. When the program began, Just Joe was not there, again. It was decided that he probably needed rescuing from the zombies, so Dave and Adam were dispatched to do that. They returned with Just Joe, Kal rescued Just Joe from the zombies. Just Joe was not at all happy to find out BBBIIIIILLLLL!!!!! was really Kal, rescue or no. Adam had apparently been bitten by a zombie, he bit Just Joe, and Just Joe became a zombie. Just Joe was dragged away by Adam. Dave and Shane were sent to retrieve him. They did, but Dave was really pissed, saying Just Joe had bitten him, for real, and that he quit. Shane also complained Just Joe had really bitten him, but he threw Just Joe down the stairs. They had Kal show them how he had locked Just Joe in the trunk of his own car a couple weeks back, to keep him from getting to LE, by doing it again now, to punish him because he was actually biting people, getting into this zombie thing a bit too much, this was only supposed to be a rehearsal after all, a mock run through drill. Just Joe was really mad when he was again locked in his trunk for real. Kal got bitten by Adam during all this, became a zombie, bit EVD, and turned him into one as well. The zombies got Tim next. Shane tried to throw Just Joe down the stairs, Just Joe resisted, smacked Shane lightly on the head, knocking him out (Shane has a weak soft spot on top of his head, just like a new born baby, if you hit him there at all, he goes out like a light, I guess that is a defect of being grown from Just Joe's severed hand), but, when he fainted, he knocked Just Joe down the stairs by falling against him, so Just Joe went down the stairs anyways. Adam got thrown down the stairs as well. The Zombies were supposed to drag Dustin outside to turn him into a zombie, but Dustin fought successfully, saying it was too cold to go outside. Dustin was told he was disqualified from The Zombie Apocalypse Show. But then all the other Zombies refused to go outside as well, saying it was just too cold, and, they didn't care if they were dead, they still weren't going out in the cold. What a bunch of wimp wussy zombies!! I guess now we know another way to stop zombies, besides shooting them in the head, apparently if you can get them outside in the winter, you'll be safe that way too. The zombies insisted that, if they were gonna devour people, they were just going to have to have this apocalypse indoors. Now zombies are making demands or they'll go on strike?! What kind of zombies are these?! You just can't get good zombie help anywhere any more! What is this world coming to?! Well, apparently, an end. They tried to zombify Dustin again, but he fought again, successfully, again, for a while, but, eventually they got him, and devoured him. Then he quit, even though he had already been fired. Not at all a team player! Some of the other zombies quit too. Again, these zombies have to be the worst zombies ever! Steve commented on how he didn't think this had been a very good zombie apocalypse, saying there should have been props, blood and such, and making other suggestions. It was pointed out to him that he had been there all night, and he could have made those suggestions then, but didn't. He said he had wanted to critique it after the fact. Zombies Just Joe and Tim were sicked on him and told to devour him, which they did. Just Joe said he had locked Shane in the trunk of his car, his, meaning Just Joe's, not Shane's. No one ever went to let him out, so he spent the rest of the night there, at least, who knows, maybe more, maybe he'd even still be there next week, who knows when Just Joe, or anyone else, will get around to letting him out. But Just Joe turned on his car radio so Shane could hear the rest of LE, and hear them mocking him and laughing at his being trapped in the trunk. There were a few segments of Movie Time throughout the night, with Tim, Little Gorgar, Adam, Steve, and EVD participating in some of them, EVD apparently being really excited that he had actually seen a movie to contribute, because, right at the very beginning of the night, when no one was talking about movies, and it was being explained that it was The Second Pre-Anniversary Count Down To The End Of The World Show Zombie Apocalypse Edition, he blurted out, out of nowhere, "I Saw A Movie". There were a whole lot of songs about zombies, at least until about 4:00, when the Zombie Apocalypse portion of the program ended, as all the zombies had either quit, or, in Dustin's case, been fired, so the last two hours of the night were mostly just The Pre-Anniversary Count Down part, with a couple more zombie songs thrown in. And there was LE style Christmas themed music throughout the night as well. And so thus went our Second Pre-Anniversary Count Down To The End Of The World Show Zombie Apocalypse Edition. It was concluded that the Zombie Apocalypse part hadn't gone all that well, was kinda a failure. Well, what can you really expect with wimp wuss whiny zombies who make demands and put conditions on there being willing to do what zombies do, grab and devour people, eat their brains, and turn them into more zombies. I mean, really, is that so hard?! All you need to be concerned with is doing that if you are any kind of zombie worth his or her salt! You guys really sucked at being zombies! You should be ashamed of yourselves! Well, anyways, Happy Pre-Anniversary Of The End Of The World, everyone! Remember, if you have things you want to get accomplished, or affairs to be gotten in order, or affairs you want to have with anyone for that matter, better get cracking! There's only two years to go! So, Happy Holidays, everyone! -Fire Eater Wizard
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