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September 19, 2010 - We Make Tim a Man...

LEShane was there for the second week in a row, and he had brought a person with him, a girl. Now last week, Shane had returned after many weeks absence saying that he had finally obtained the proof they had dispatched him to find. However, instead of bringing proof of what they had asked for, that EVD and Dave were really the same person, he had brought back a lot of proof for things like The Loch Ness Monster, Sasquatch, and Chupa Cabra, which, though all very interesting, again was not what he had been asked to do, in other words, he failed miserably. But he had been given another mission to perform. He was told to go forth and return with stilts, which they were going to have Just Joe wear and send him out in a few weeks. So now Shane was back, but not with stilts, he had brought crutches, but no stilts. When asked about this, he said that he did not believe stilts existed. So, Shane brought back proof for a lot of things of which some people doubt the existence of, but for something that the general consensus, shared by everyone, is that it certainly does exist, stilts, well, Shane doesn't believe they exist, probably because he couldn't find them and doesn't want to admit it. So, in other words, he failed miserably again, but, again, what else can you expect from someone who was grown from a severed body part of Just Joe's, his hand. It had been decided that Tim needed an intervention to make him a man, since he loves romantic chick flick movies, and his favorite show is "Dawson's Creek", and he got beaten up there twice this night, once by a girl. Tim didn't think he needed to become a man, saying he already was one, but everyone else insisted he did need it. They forced him to watch "The Retard-o-thon 2", 90 minutes of video clips of crashes, porn, and other stuff guaranteed to make him a man by the time it was finished. And it worked, Tim started talking like a wrestler, and saying he wanted to set stuff on fire, and break stuff, bring on the explosions! When asked what he thought of "Dawson's Creek", he said he hated that show, except for wanting to do the hot chicks on it, and, when he participated in Movie Time, he actually didn't review a romantic chick flick, but more of an action film, and he said the explosions were great. Just Joe was sent to the basement to fetch stuff for Tim to break. He returned with a big sheet of metal, which wasn't very smart on Just Joe's part, but then, what ever is smart for him, because Tim took the metal and hit Just Joe over the head with it repeatedly. Tim also beat on other people like Shane. He also went from being very polite, to rude and obnoxious, interrupting people and talking over them. There was a lot of violent behavior going on. Azkath decided to let Tim do a dead host drill, where he thinks up a scenario where he dies and lets someone else take over running the program to see how they do. Everyone else had done badly except for Dave, which doesn't count because he is the absolutely worst co-host in the world and would never be there if the need arose. Tim was confident he could run the program. Azkath thought of the scenario, he and Tim were dancing (a song had just been played that had turned out to be unexpectedly danceable, which had led to people dancing, which was what brought on that scenario), and Tim had become so violent now that he slammed Azkath into the door frame head first, killing him, and then throwing his lifeless body down the stairs and leaving it there (once again Just Joe protested that Azkath was stealing events from Just Joe's life and claiming they were his, but this was what they were going with anyways). So Tim took over running the program... And did really well, better than anyone else had done so far, playing Lamb Of God, Merciful Fate, and other metal, manly fare. Until... Suddenly Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name" played. Tim said he hadn't meant to play that, and had no idea how that happened, but then went on to say that he kind of liked it, really liked it, in fact. He kept getting more and more into it, losing his tough, manly voice more and more as he went. Then other people started rocking out to the Bon Jovi, 'til everyone was except for Azkath and EVD, who were both appalled and disgusted and dismayed. Azkath said he might have a way to salvage something from this total disaster... He sent out the Bon Jovi to me, to celebrate my 8th anniversary here, which was coming up that Wednesday, September 22nd, since I like Bon Jovi, which I do, I totally am a glam loving, '80's loving poser, and I had been rocking out to the Bon Jovi along with everyone else, except for Azkath and EVD, of course. So thank you very much, Azkath, that was very much appreciated, and, Happy 8th Anniversary to me! Tim, and some other people, wanted to hear the Bon Jovi again, but Azkath and EVD said no way. And just that one song seemed to have totally undone all of Tim's new found manliness for some strange reason. He loved "Dawson's Creek" again, and started raving about some romantic teen movies, one he loved, and one he was psyched to see. They gave up, concluding that perhaps one loud, obnoxious, rude dude, EVD, might be enough anyways. Tim departed, and we actually did hear Bon Jovi one more time this night.! Tim requested the song "Runaway", to listen to while he was driving home, and Azkath, apparently being in a very generous mood, actually granted his request, so we actually got to hear Bon Jovi twice in one night, to my great pleasure. Movie Time was interspersed throughout the night, with several people participating, and there was a segment of Adventures In Listening.
-Fire Eater Wizard

 
Playlist
Comeback Kid "Crooked Floors"
Tub Ring "Gold Finger"
Mose Giganticus "White Horse"
Early Man "Death Potion"
Cephalic Carnage "Ohrwurm"

Monster Magnet "Hallucination Bomb"
Black Anvil "Dead and Left"
Unearthly Trance "The Horsemen Arrive in the Night"
Carpathian Forest "Spill the Blood of the Lamb"
CPX "Choice"

DyNAbyte "The Mummy"
August Burns Red "Back Burner" (R)
Psychostick "Beer" (R)
Skull Hammer "Balls to the Bone"
Pantera "The Art of Shredding - Demo Version" (R)

Slayer "God Send Death"

Negative Approach "Nothing"
MX Machine "Fuck the Neighbors"
Murphy's Law "Panty Raid"
Gang Green "Born to Rock"
Crumbsuckers "Bullshit Society"
Cro-Mags "Sign of the Times"
Black Flag "TV Party"
Executioner "Crime Through Corruption"
The Exploited "Don't Really Care"
The Accused "Starved to Death (Eatin' Your Buddies)"

MAD "Close Your Eyes for a Second...  Sleep Forever"
Disfigured Dead "Screamatorium"
Anthriel "Devil's Lullaby"
Atocity featuring Yasmin "Black Mountain"
Enslaved "Ethica Odini"

DVDA "Now You're a Man"
Terror "Your Enemies are Mine"
Pro-Pain "Destroy the Enemy"
Static People "Save the Worst"
Mindsplit "The Traveller"

Malevolent Creation "Compulsive Face Breaker / Lead Spitter"
The Acacia Strain "Nightman" (R)
Shadowgarden "The Withering of Mine"
Steve Goodie "We Shall Burn a Book for Jesus"

Dead Languages "Ancient Astronauts"
Pure Reason Revolution "Black Mourning"
PanzerBastard "I Won't Dance"
Voluspaa "Hennes Rost"
The Ohio Sky "You Want More"

Lamb of God "Grace" (R)
Darkest Hour "An Epitaph"
Six Feet Under "California Uber Alles"
Fates Warning "Down To The Wire"
Bon Jovi "You Give Love a Bad Name"

Halford "Undisputed"
Vektor "Hunger for Violence"
Psycho "Animal"
An Obscure Signal "Time Left'
Anal Cunt "Kicking your Ass and Fucking your Bitch"

Lordi "I Am Bigger than You"
Showdown "Heavy Lies the Crown"
Accept "Locked and Loaded"
Muckraker "Pitchfork and Musket"
All Out War "An Angel Among Demons"
Jesus Ain't in Poland "The Monkey Valley"

Tub Ring "Flash"
Within the Ruins "Versus"
Bon Jovi "Runaway"
Wretched "The Deed of of Elturiel"
The Contortionist "Advent"

These are They "Cranial Hemorrage"
Check Engine "Counted"
Sons of Freedom "Feeling Helpless"
Welicoruss "Slavonic Power"
Zuul "Darkness on the Ice"

Spellcaster "Locked On"
Summoned Tide "ALD"
Deception of a Ghost "One Day You Will Learn / One Day We Will Learn"
Falling Anvils "Sweet Life"
James Labrie "Who You Think I Am"

Doro "25 Years"
 

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