The Last Exit For The Lost Apocalyptic Underground Radio

Elmira, NY based Punk band Swollen Rooster visit and perform live, and we kill an Easter Bunny, because that's what you have to do on Easter. This was NOT our traditional We Love Satan Show, do to the fact that Azkath didn't feel he could out-do last year when he played all Christian Metal... Also, Tim and Olvia of Undead Messengers visit us and talk about the upcoming Finger Lakes Metal Fest. Videos below include the band performance and interview, and the killing of the Easter Bunny, in normal video and 360 format.

From Azkath: Ok, that was one hell of a strange show. Anytime we do a We Love Satan show on The Last Exit, it usually is, but I had no way to predict what would have happened. I think the most um, outstanding, strange thing was Vern's sudden affection for Zoltan's furry hat. After that was said and done, and Vern had "screwed himself to death", Zoltan was peacefully reading a story when Friend came shrieking into the studio and carried him around it. It wasn't a good night for Zoltan. And he kept trying to claim that his appearance last week was by an imposter... Anyway, earlier, I received an e-mail from Zoltan...

--- Sunday, February 3, 2002 (aka The Day After) --- --- MEMO FROM THE DESK OF ZOLTAN THE AVENGER --- ------ (technically Z-monster's strawberry iMac): ------

Just when I thought I was finally starting to break my unnatural & unhealthy late-night Last Exit habit...

...a Zoltan-The-Avenger imposter (yes, imposter, dammit!!!) comes along and ruins everything!

As a result of the previous weekend's despicable mockage of my undeniable greatness, I was forced to -- yet again -- defend my superhero honor last night (in the name of all that is denim, i.e., cool). I foolishly assumed that this would be another one of those regular, routine Avengement visits. Weh-heh-hell, I got a lot more than I bargained for... A HAT-LOAD MORE!!!

I can't decide what disturbs me more -- the atrocities themselves, or my deep and sickening suspicion that there exists ample videocamera footage of the brutal mayhem (there always seems to be a camera conveniently available when it's ME who's being attacked! (...a camera, by the way, which was being operated by a rather inappropriately gleeful Foul Mouth Girl)).

So, not only am I now virtually guaranteed to be forced to relive (no doubt repeatedly) the suffering and humiliation of last night, but the entire world will now be afforded puh-lenty of opportunity to share in my torment (...and by "sharing" I mean, of course, laughing their asses off at my expense...).

I'm at a loss to come up with an explanation for why Vern, the Horrifically Horny Mopkin, decided that he was simply so in lust with my formerly-almighty Fuzzy Hat of Avengement that he absolutely HAD to have sex with it...... really, really scary sex...

One might be tempted to chalk it up to some sort of species-specific Mopkinal hormone burst, perhaps triggered by a very unfortunately-timed bout with puppet puberty...

But, then how would one explain his previous impregnation of the Evil Quaker's wife??

No, the Lust Fairy had obviously paid a visit to this depraved lint-bag long before his recent sexcapade upon my head.

Is there some sort of medication that Vern has been on (or should be on?!!) that he may have forgotten to take before coming to the station (and on my hat)???

We could (but won't) explore the deeper issues of shaky Mopkin self-discipline, puppet-monkey hybrid-induced genetic insanity, or the possible existence of some primal, irresistable urge to mate with fuzzy objects (particularly those resembling a gigantic (and admittedly somewhat seductive) monkey vulva).

Such contemplation, however, while potentially interesting in an academic sort of way, would merely serve to distract from the main issue here, which is...

AAAAHHH!!! VERN HUMPED MY HEAD!!! YUCKY!!!

(I have certainly gained some deep appreciation for what Z-monster must've went through when he was so heinously licked by the All-blighty Monkey last year -- I sure wouldn't want to trade experiences with him... or would I... mmmm... no, definitely not...).

Let the record show (as if that would do any good) that while sleazy-sicko Vern was using the top of my head as his own, personal, sexual rodeo, I, Zoltan The Avenger, was bravely (nay, heroically) trying -- against steep & sticky odds -- to do my solemn duty to read a very important story about... ummmmmm... I don't remember (maybe because I was a bit distracted at the time by the moaning & gyrating filth-puppet ecstatically singing "Boner-nanza" directly above me).

...Oh, and as if all that abuse wasn't more than enough for one night, when I eventually managed to wearily effect a grossly-overdue Vern-dismount from my hapless, linty-goo-covered superhero hat (with a Mopkin-bite on my knuckles to show for my efforts), I was "treated" to one of the most appallingly violent Friendings ever to disgrace the hellowed halls of The Last Exit for the Humiliated (also unfortunately-but-not-surprisingly caught on the maddeningly omni-present Camera of Woe, thank you very much, you Foul-mouthed Sado-voyeuristic Beeotch!!!).

Man, was I tired when I got home...

(My only consolation was that Vern did manage to "screw himself" to death! HA! That was cool...)

-- Z.T.A.

TRAGIC P.S. -- Sadly, as a result of all the horrific humping endured by the apparently all-too-lovable Fuzzy Hat of Avengement, my faithful head-top companion has been forced into a regrettably early retirement. After stopping at the nearest garment-hospital's emergency room to have the vile Mopkin-juice scraped from its battered and tender folds, my beloved Fuzzy-Fedora will now proceed to undergo a series of post-trauma counseling sessions, starting next week. I won't compound this unpleasantness any further by adding that my poor, rodeo-raped buddy, who is emotionally (and, quite frankly, physically) scarred for life, has now been confirmed to be...... pregnant. (And I give you that freak-of-nature Vern-offspring "Enoch" as reason enough for not wanting to discuss this any further right now...)

RIGHTEOUSLY VENOMOUS P.P.S. -- To Vern: While I've hoped all along that your eventual and irrevocable demise would someday "come" under far-more-unpleasant-for-you circumstances, I nonetheless fervently pray that this latest installment (in what has been a ridiculously long string of disappointing Vern-"deaths") is -- at long last -- the real deal! For the sake of all that is decent and denim, STAY DEAD!!!
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Ahem. Yeah... So there's Zoltan's perspective. And the video is great. You can see it below, this show's clips starts around the 6 minute mark... I should note that it was the Fear of Pop "In Love" song which featured William Shatner that caused Vern to 'Fall In Love' with Zoltan's hat.

Oh, and yet another testiment to our 'evilness', not only have we blown up Z-Monster's I-Mac, been mentioned in a book by The Anti-Christ, and other such things that I once listed, but I was now informed that entering our chat room caused someone's computer's power supply to die. Of course, I know you're saying, impossible, couldn't of had anything to do with it, but dammit, we're taking credit!

It was Easter Sunday, so this meant, of course, that it was our semi annual We Love Satan Show, the other one being, of course, Christmas, which also fell on a Sunday last December. Just Joe has become smart enough, I know, the words Just Joe and smart aren't usually used in the same sentence, but, it took him a while, but he has finally learned to avoid these Easter Shows, because he knows they will make him be The Easter Bunny, and kill him, many times. As Justin isn't usually here on Easter, he's usually home, it was decided that this year, he would get to do the honors. Justin was excited about this, because he didn't know any better yet. When he put on The Bunny Ears, he did notice that there was something on them that looked like dried blood, but they assured him it was chocolate. And not to worry about the duct tape on them, that was only because they were getting old, and just needed some repair. They told him to go hide, and that, whomever found him would get to kill him, but that not to worry, because Easter is all about resurrection, that they would pour water on him, and he would come back to life again, and that he wouldn't even remember what had happened to him anyways. And this needs to happen, because, last year, for the first time ever, The Easter Bunny, Nathan, successfully avoided being killed, and hell froze over, and it required a virgin sacrifice (Kevin), to put things right again. Justin, however, hid so well that no one could find him. But we lured him out by pretending that there was an adorable little kitten in the room, Justin can never resist cute cats. He emerged from his hiding place, and EVD strangled him, and broke his neck. They left him dead for a while, because it's fun to look at a dead Easter Bunny. Then they poured water over him, and Justin came back to life, not remembering what had happened, and wanting to know where the kitten was. Azkath killed him again by bashing him over the head with a baking sheet, which now had Easter Bunny impressions on it. Again they left him dead for a while. Then brought him back. Justin now wasn't acting quite right, I know, he never did before, but now he was doing disturbing things with Easter eggs, putting them on his eyes, and around his neck and stumbling around. He said he needed to go home, and did, at least that's where he said he was going. Two bands performed this night. First up was Poindexter. It was their first time here. They performed for about a half hour set. They were interviewed, telling us about themselves, and a track from one of their CD's was played. They are cool. You can find them at buffalopoindexter.bandcamp.com and, facebook.com/buffalopoindexter Next, the band RADII performed some songs trying to summon Satan. It worked, but there were two Satans, as both of them became possessed, and no one could figure out who the real Satan was. They hung out for a while, then left, saying something about being needed at the white house. And, of course, all of the music played this night was about, for, and, inspired by Satan, Metal, and comedy, and some Easter songs as well, metal songs, with Easter in their titles. Thanks to Nathan for doing a great job as usual running the sound all night for two bands. Before they performed, and became possessed, RADII hung out as co-hosts. They are a cool band, you can find them at facebook.com/radiitheeye And thus went our We Love Satan Show for this Easter...

- Fire Eater Wizard

This LE fell right on Christmas Day, which only happens every five or six years, depending on The Leap Year. So, of course, it was one of our twice a year We Love Satan Shows, the other one being on Easter Sunday, of course. Present were, EVD, Nathan, and, Bi-Coastal Tim. EVD and Tim were acting very strange, I know what you're thinking, how could you tell, right? But not like their usual selves. They kept wanting to hear Christmas music, getting more and more insistent about it, and demanding to hear Stryper. And, EVD wasn't on his computer, totally absorbed in video games, like he always is, and, his beard was oddly white, almost like Santa's, and both he and Tim just kept staring. They kept insisting that Azkath play Stryper, he kept refusing, but finally gave in and played it. And then we found out that this had all been the work of Satan, who had possessed both EVD and Tim. Well, he is and does evil, and, what's more evil than Stryper, after all!? After Satan told Tim that, as a result of the possession, a part of his body, he didn't say which one, might or might not turn inside out. After Satan had departed, Nathan started acting very strange. I know, again, how could you tell, but he seemed to be trying to solder his orifi shut! By the end of the night he appeared to have soldered one ear shut, and, well, let's just say that the last thing he said was that he needed to poop, and they told him good luck with that! So, it would appear that Satan messed up Nathan, even more than he was already messed up. There were segments of Movie Time, and, of course, this being a We Love Satan Show, most of the music was for and about Satan, but there was some Christmas music, too, all throughout the night, Last Exit style Christmas, weird, disturbing, or funny music, or, Christmas metal. And, so, thus went our special We Love Satan Show it only happens every few years, the Christmas Day one.

-Fire Eater Wizard

This was our traditional We Love Satan Show. Plenty of Satanicly Inspired Metal was played, and Nathan was our Easter Bunny. He was really good at it. Or Really Bad. We're not sure. But he thwarted everyone...

This is one of our favorite nights, as we get to praise He who has inspired so much great music. And he did pay us a visit. EVD, at Nathan's request, Duct taped Randy to a chair. Nathan wanted this because he needed to get even with Randy for the previous night's 'Pantless Santa' dance on The Metallic Onslaught. Randy was nicely decorated. We weren't sure why EVD was taking orders from Nathan, but nevertheless, this worked in our favor. Last year, we summoned Satan into Randy, tickled him, and his head exploded. We got some tasty Satanic jerky out of the deal. We tried to recreate that, but Satan refused to make Randy's head explode. Instead he told Rick to kill Nathan. EVD intervened. We had no idea why. Satan then informed us that in the weeks that EVD had been missing, Nathan had been brainwashing him. Now the spell was broken. EVD grabbed Nathan and dragged him into the performance room, duct taped him to a chair (with Rick's help), and covered him in silly string. Afterwards Nathan managed to get free by throwing himself headfirst at the ground. Luckily Tim was there to slap Dave's disembodied Beard on him, just to make the scene complete. So after all this, I, Azkath, decided to see what lay a year in the future. Now, whenever I send Joe into the future, he sees killer bunnies. This time I sent Randy. One year ahead. Randy saw killer bunnies. He claimed they were eating him. Frustrated, I sent Nathan a year ahead, and he ended up WITH Randy, also being attacked by bunnies. They ran off, and eventually snapped out of it. No idea what is with the bunnies...

We started a new tradition, that of Takanakuy, which is a Peruvian Xmas tradition, where everyone puts on Ski Masks and can beat the crap out of whoever they want to settle their grievances. Seemed like something perfect for us. For some reason, Nathan got beat up the most...

I also decided to try an experiment. Long ago I created a trigger phrase in Randy, whenever I tell him there are 8 Owls in my Tree, he goes insane. I asked Satan to inhabit Randy so we could thank him for all the nice things he's done for us all year, and after we did that, I triggered Randy...  It was Randy / Satan, and it was insane. Then Tim had to take that home. 

It was Easter Sunday, so of course it was our We Love Satan Show. Present for this were, James, Rick, Randy BILL!, and Annie, all from The Metallic Onslaught, Allie, Kal, Mark, and someone who once was Crappy The Clown, and sometimes still is, but you never know what personality he may turn up as, for a while this night, he was Humpty Gump, then he was Dr. Phil for a while. It was Easter, and, every Easter we kill The Easter Bunny, many times, for our Easter sacrifice, then resurrect him, by pouring water on him, holy water, if you will, so we can kill him again. Whoever is wearing The Easter Bunny ears is The Easter Bunny. First it was Randy, and Azkath beat him to death. Randy was resurrected. Next, BBBIIILLLLL!!!!! wore the ears. A game of Hide And Go Beat was played, The Easter Bunny would hide, and people would take turns looking for him, in the dark. The one who found him would get to kill him. But, after three people trying and failing to find him, the lights were turned on, and everyone went looking at once. James found him. But then James vanished, and Darksyde appeared, and showed BBBIIILLLLL!!!!! how much he loves him, unfortunately for BBBIIILLLLL!!!!!, when Darksyde really loves you, he beats the crap out of you. While BBBIIILLLLL!!!!! was dead, Allie did a puppet show with his corpse. BBBIIILLLLL!!!!! was resurrected. Next, James wore the ears, and they beat him to death. While he was dead, Kal was enjoying poking him with a big club. James was resurrected. Crappy The Clown's uncle, Uncle Punchy, showed up, with an Easter game, Pass The Schmuck. People would have to throw a party streamer to each other, if they dropped it, or it broke, there would be a consequence. The consequences could be, Poop Head, where you would have to wear a pile of poop on your head for a music set, Tape Head, where your head would be covered in shipping tape, and you would have to suffer the agony of having it removed, Penis Nose, where you would have to wear a set of goggles with a penis on them for a music set, Short Bus, where you would have to wear this helmet that Uncle Punchy had brought for a music set, Metal Head, where your head would be covered in aluminum foil for a music set, or Truth Or Dare. Allie lost the first round, and she had to wear the penis goggles. Randy lost the second round. They let Allie pick his consequence. She picked Short Bus. Then Randy was The Easter Bunny again. And this time he would be killed by Rick chokeslamming him off the balcony, which was only about three and a half stories high. Gee, wonder if that would actually kill him, it doesn't sound that deadly at all, couldn't they have come up with something a bit more lethal?! I mean, Satan deserves a good sacrifice for Easter! So Rick did it, Randy died, they poured water on him, he came back to life long enough to get back inside, then died again. They pelted him with Easter eggs, a lot of them. Randy finally did revive again, but he wasn't in very good shape, kinda bloody, so Rick had to take him home. The clown, Crappy, sang us a song. Azkath played a clip for Crappy from way back in the day, a spot with Crappy's old band The Punch Drunk Monkeys, talking about him. There were segments of Movie Time, and some TV, and On-line shows were talked about as well. Topics were discussed like the JFK assassination. And, of course, most of the music was for, to, and about Satan, lots of satanic metal, and some comedy songs and skits about him as well. No appearance from Satan for his Show, and no appearance from Jesus bearing candy, either. Kal wore a gas mask all night, for some reason, but that's just Kal... And so, thus went our Easter We Love Satan Extravaganza!

So this was our traditional We Love Satan Easter Show. Both Randy and Just Joe decided to boycott the show based on things that have happened to them in the past. Instead we had a different array of people, and a lot of fun was had. Joining us, aside from our weekly regular co-hosts in Arydaea and EVD, we had Crappy the... ur, Mr. Linda, and Jim Evans (JR) of Hollow Bodies. We also had the Last Exit debut of Nathan Bobbett, who had previously visited us on February 28, 2015 for Where Did the Road Go? when he was working sound for Lorna Reynolds. I may have lured him in after looking at his facebook page and realizing that he was a Bronie. I MAY have said it was a We Love My Little Pony Show. Regardless, he was there. As was Luke, also a guest from that same night on Where Did the Road Go?, and as an anthropology student, he just wanted to observe. After a while, he started growing horns, and after insisting he didn't believe in any of it, he left. 

I had a present for EVD. It was nice and evil, and I thought he would appreciate it. I took some of Eric's clones' remains from a few weeks ago, and cloned a bunch of 'little Erics'. They were all around 6 inches tall, and I locked them in a sound booth. I thought EVD would appreciate the mad scientist aspect. I was wrong. And then they were lose in the building causing havoc. Luckily JR went to take care of them... and apparently started eating them. Their taste description was not appetizing. There are still a few running around I think...

After it came out that Nathan had been tricked into coming into the show, we gave him the gift of mousetraps, then we debated the power of Satan vs My Little Pony. Eventually Nathan saw the light. And EVD kept tormenting him with the Pooh Stick. JR and Mr. Linda played some songs on an acoustic JR brought with him, and near the end, Satan texted me to say he would be by for No Pants Day in a few weeks. Whatever form that will take...

-Seriah