- Published in 2014 Show Archive
May 11, 2014 - Epic Night of Hide and Go Beat
Present were, James, Rick and Randy, from The Metallic Onslaught, Randy, or R.J., as we call him to avoid the confusion of two Randys, and Rob, both from the band Thirteen South, and, The Worst Co-host In The World, Dave, who, earning his title, had not been there in months. Lots of rounds of Hide And Go Beat were played. Dave found Randy, and so got to beat him and knock him out with a metal sheet. R.J. couldn't find James, which made him furious, so much so that James was afraid to come out and beat him, but he did. No one could find Dave, so he and BBBIIILLLLL!!!!! are the reigning champions at this game, so Dave got to beat on anyone he liked, Rick wanted to be beaten so Dave hit him with the sheet first, then everyone pretty much hit everyone, James, R.J., and Dave all bled, and the sheet was reduced to scrap metal. So a lot of violence, some bloodshed, and some disturbing stuff as people molested other people while they were knocked out. There was a brief salute to Mother's Day, Nuclear Assault's song, "Mother's Day", was played. There were segments of Movie Time. Everyone got to pick a song toward the end of the night. The last hour was mostly The Old School Hour, except for a couple new songs that Azkath had meant to play earlier...
- Fire Eater Wizard
Tim, the vocalist for the band Check Engine, was there for the first couple hours of the program. He was interviewed, the songs from his band's CD were played, and he performed a few songs live and acoustic on the air. Just Joe was still sticking to his claim that the I-dosing they've been experimenting on him with for the last two weeks have absolutely no affect on him whatsoever, even though it's obvious to everyone else that they do. Azkath asked Just Joe where his MP3 player, with the I-doses on it, had gone. Just Joe said he had no idea, but Azkath searched him, and, what do you know, there was his MP3 player. Just Joe, of course, claimed he had no idea how it had gotten there. When it came time for Russian Roulette, Azkath told Just Joe he had a new I-Dose for him, and that, if no bullet played, he could have the MP3 player and listen to it. If a bullet played, Foul Mouth Girl could try it, to which Just Joe said he would go with her, just to make sure she knew how it worked, of course, although he didn't know why they were even bothering with it any more, since they clearly did not work. No bullet. Just Joe pretended he didn't care, and eagerly grabbed the MP3 player and raced off to the basement. I have never seen Just Joe so eager to hang out in the basement. Given all the horrible things that have happened to him there, all the bad things he's seen down there, and the many, many, many, many times he's been thrown down those stairs, he used to avoid the basement like the plague. Wonder what's changed?? Can't be that he loves I-Dosing, since it doesn't work at all. Azkath said he himself had created this biaurl, and that it was supposed to make you all drunk and goofy. And, go figure, that is exactly the way Just Joe came back from the basement, all laughing, and running after a ball that Azkath told him to chase, even though there was no ball, although Just Joe somehow returned with one, saying he'd found it. Azkath told Just Joe there was one more new I-Dose on the MP3 player, again, one that he himself had made, and that Just Joe could listen to it. Just Joe said he didn't care, grabbed the MP3 player and dashed down to the basement. Azkath said this one was supposed to make you paranoid. Just Joe came back all jumpy and somewhat hostile and accusatory, if you asked him any question at all he would snap "why do you want to know?". He would jump at any little thing, and wound up curled up in a fetal position in the corner. Dave, the worst co-host in the world, was actually there for a while at the beginning of the program, even picking out the first set of music. There were two segments of Movie Time in the last portion of the program. Just Joe ended up the night talking in a very monotone way, no matter what the conversation was he put no expression into it. Azkath told him it was ok to get excited, he yelled out excitedly once, then went back to being all expressionless... Ya know, Just Joe's been acting really weird lately, even for him. Wonder what could be causing it?? Has he been doing anything new lately? Can't think of anything. Oh yeah, there is the I-dosing, but it can't be that, since that doesn't work at all, just ask Just Joe. Of course, he might bite your head off for asking, or just point and giggle hysterically, if you do... Who knows what the cause is... Maybe it's from hanging out in the basement too much, some very strange shit has been known to happen down there...
EVD and Dave were both there, which might tend to disprove Azkath's theory of the week before that they are the same person, which EVD had strongly denied. Azkath had them take a picture with everyone in it, to document that both EVD and Dave were in it. He then told Shane, who was there after a long, long absence to prove that they were the same person. Shane said that he could do that, and went off to do so. He didn't come back. Azkath wanted to I-dose Dave. He was taken down to the basement, and left there I-Dose. When they brought him back up, the only thing he would do and say was scream "oogie woogie, oogie woogie" over and over. He ran outside and attacked a car going by screaming oogie woogie, oogie woogie at them. Everyone ran outside after Dave, they had to tackle him, and there was a humping pile. They finally got him inside, and, thanks to Adam, chained him to a chair. They found out that the way to cure Dave from oogie woogie-ing, was to feed him a pepperoni. Once Dave was back to being Dave, he said that he was upset that he had failed the Dead Host drill of a few weeks back, where Azkath would think up a scenario that would have led to his death, and everyone there would try to take over and run the show. Everyone had failed. And Dave had failed because when it was his turn to try and run the show, there was only silence, because, being that he is the worst co-host in the world, he wasn't there. Dave claimed that he could run the show and wanted to try. So Azkath devised the scenario, he was stuck on his roof, and raccoons ate his face, and he died, and then the raccoons set him on fire. Just Joe later had a problem with this, as these were things that happened to him, not Azkath, Just Joe accused Azkath of stealing other people's events, but for now they were going with that. Dave was told that he had to successfully play a Queensryche song, which no one else had been able to do, and then play a request of Little Gorgar's. Dave did both successfully, which means, I guess, that he is by far the most capable of taking over the program, the only one actually, but unfortunately, it doesn't matter, because he is never there to be able to run it should the need arise. Just Joe said that he wanted another chance to try running the show. But when he tried to play Queensrryche, the same thing that had happened before happened again, the only thing that would play no matter what he did was The Smurfs, doing a techno thing, which no one could ever even figure out where it had came from. Just Joe decided that, instead of playing music, he would give the webcam viewers a special treat, a puppet show. He had a glove with five monkeys on it for the fingers, and a Cthulhu puppet. He had Cthulhu start eating the monkeys. Dave is terrified of puppets for some reason (puppets and trees), so he ran away shrieking, and in his blind rush to get away knocked Azkath down the basement stairs, which is a first, in all these years, and all the people who have gone tumbling down those stairs, most often Just Joe, Azkath never has. He announced that falling down the stairs officially sucked, which I'm sure a lot of people would readily agree with him on, especially Just Joe. Azkath was pissed at Just Joe for causing him to fall down the stairs by bringing out his puppets and scaring Dave, and he threw Joe down the stairs. Dave was now gone for the night. There was a segment of Adventures In Listening, begun with new Soundgarden, of all things, but I liked it, and two segments of Movie Time. Gorgar was there in the last two hours of the program. He told us he'd been having some problems with his heart. We all wish him well with that, hopefully they will be cleared up soon. In the mean time, I guess, for his own good, the more bad things that happen to him at LE, the less they will happen to him in general... 
At the beginning of the program there was a ton of people there. EVD and Dave were there seeming once again to cast doubt on the theory that they are the same person. Tim was there, and he had brought with him his friend Steve again, so it was Steve's second time there. EVD was asked if he had broken Just Joe out of rehab where he had been put to cure his I-dosing addiction. EVD said that he had gone to the rehab, but Just Joe was not there. That mystery was very soon to be solved, because just then arrived Wulfie and his brother BBBIIIIIILLLLL!!! (You have to say the name BBBIIIIILLLL!!! like that, which is why Azkath insisted he now be known as Ed), from The Metallic Onslaught. They had with them a bound and gagged Just Joe. Wulfie arrived with his werewolf mask on, but soon took it off, saying of course he was not a werewolf. Wulfie said he and BBBIIIIILLLLL!!! err, Ed were going to hold Just Joe hostage until Azkath did something about Jeffie. Azkath told Wulfie he thought he had something he would like to put an end to this problem, he would do something he would normally never do, but just for him he would, he would play Bon Jovi, as Jeffie had told him how much Wulfie liked Bon Jovi. Wulfie said Jeffie was a liar. Wulfie demanded that Azkath make Jeffie stupid, even more stupid than he already was, like really, really stupid, so that Jeffie would believe that Wulfie was really a werewolf. They had them un-gag Just Joe (and they ripped duct tape off his whole head, tearing out a lot of hair doing that), and Just Joe said that he thought he could accomplish this, he would I-dose Jeffie to be really stupid. Everyone seemed satisfied with this solution, and they charged Just Joe with that task. Just Joe started freaking out when Wulfie and Azkath started talking about Shoggoths, so Azkath played his Hugging Music to calm him down. Just Joe hugged everyone, and EVD duct taped Just Joe Dave and Shane (more on Shane in a second) together. in all the chaos that ensued there was a big man pile, and Dave did an unspeakable thing to Shane, involving Dave's butt landing on Shane in an area well let's just say that scarred Shane for life, especially when a certain gas issued forth from Dave. Shane had arrived saying that he had finally brought the proof he had been dispatched to obtain several weeks ago. He presented a large file of proof. However, although there was a lot of proof for a lot of things they had not asked him to look into, like The Loch Ness Monster, Chupacabra, Sasquatch, which was all very interesting and fascinating, but it was not what they had asked him to prove. For what they had sent him to prove, that EVD and Dave were the same person, well, on that he had brought nothing. Well, Shane is grown from Just Joe's severed hand, so, how bright could he really be. If Just Joe usually screws up anything he's tasked with how can we really expect much more from his hand. However, Azkath gave Shane another mission to try. To go get stilts, because, in a few weeks, they were going to send Just Joe out on stilts and get people's reactions. Shane said he could get stilts and ran off immediately to do so presumably. It was EVD's 5th anniversary on September 11th, which was the Saturday that ended as this LE began at midnight. Happy Anniversary, EVD! For his anniversary Azkath gave EVD lots of Styrofoam and let him beat on everyone with it. Just Joe took some of the broken Styrofoam and put it down his pants, and then started throwing it at people. There was more slapping this week. Shane was told to slap Just Joe 'til he cried. It only took about two or three to accomplish this. Well, Just Joe had had a pretty trying night, what with being held hostage, having the skin and hair being ripped off his whole head when they un-duct taped him, being traumatized with all the talk of shoggoths, and being beaten down with Styrofoam. Then Shane was told to slap EVD 'til he cried. That took a lot more, and needed several pokes in the eye to get something that could be called a tear. There was three segments of Movie Time, which EVD (who had actually seen something, and, could actually remember what it was), Tim, and Steve participated in as well.
In the first portion of the program there were a ton of people there. Three bands, Pandora's Toybox, The Lobster Quadrille, and Psyche Corporation, all of whom had performed at Wicked Ithaca prior to being on LE, Gorgar, Little Gorgar, Adam, The Enforcer, Dave, and, Rick, Wulfie, and Wulfie's brother BILL!, the last three from The Metallic Onslaught. The bands were interviewed, first Pandora's Toybox, and then The Lobster Quadrille, both of which were first timers here, and they only were able to stay for the first couple of hours. Both bands's music was played, a couple of tracks each. They rock. Morte has another band called Sorrowseed, which can be found at 