The Last Exit For The Lost Apocalyptic Underground Radio

As this was the last LE before Christmas, it was our biannual, Easter being the other time, We Love Satan Show. The first couple hours were actually the Armageddon part of the program, and were prerecorded, as the LE crew were at the latest The Last Exit For The Lost Presents Show, where we were trying to end the world with brutal heavy metal at The Haunt. As far as I know we failed again, unless the post Armageddon life is exactly the same as the sucky world we are in now. When the gang arrived the We Love Satan part of the program commenced. Present were, Just Joe, Tim, Randy from "The Metallic Onslaught", Jeremy, and, Olivia and Tim from the band Undead Messengers, which was one of the bands who had performed at the Haunt Azkath said that, although it was a We Love Satan Show, they were going to deny Satan a sacrifice this time. But they were going to summon him. This was the plan... They duct taped Randy to a chair (too bad EVD was absent this night, duct taping people is his specialty, after all). Under the chair was a symbol used to summon Satan. So Satan possessed Randy's body, but was duct taped to the chair, and thus we could have him present for his Show, but he couldn't hurt anyone. Satan was not at all happy that he wasn't going to get a sacrifice, and was stuck in a chair. He insulted LE. Azkath told him that he wanted to know all of the secrets of the universe, or Just Joe would tickle them out of him. Satan was not forthcoming with even one secret of the universe, let alone all of them, so Just Joe started tickling him. Satan was indignant that he, the all powerful Prince Of Darkness, And Lord Of The Underworld, was being tickled. He apparently was ticklish, because he was laughing, for a while... So, I guess we didn't learn any secrets of the universe, but we learned that Satan is ticklish. Perhaps it was too much for Satan to have that secret revealed, because Randy's head exploded, and Satan was gone. There were pieces of Randy all over Just Joe, who had been the nearest to him, of course, and a lot of him in Olivia's hair, and his ears were on the floor, which we can use as souvenirs. Tim, our Tim, not the band's Tim, and Jeremy took the body outside, where Tim was told to take it home with him, Tim was also covered in Randy gore, and the band's Tim was munching on pieces of Randy. Luckily Randy was already a clone, so we can just clone him again, so he will be back, but let that be a lesson, don't tickle Satan while he is possessing someone, unless of course you don't like that someone and don't care if they explode, in which case, you have a way to get rid of them. Just Joe said that he and Our Tim finally agreed on something, that this Show should be celebrating Christmas, and playing Christmas music. So we did what we have done in years past, we let the computer, fate, if you will, decide. It was randomized for a set of songs and, if more satanic songs played, then Satan won, and, if more Christmas songs played, Christmas won. Not even one Christmas song. Azkath told Just Joe he had a deal for him... They would try one more set. If Satan won again, Just Joe would have to throw someone off the balcony. If Christmas won, then he would play at least some of Wham's "Last Christmas", which Just Joe and Our Tim had been asking for. Christmas didn't do much better this time around, only one song, so Christmas was thoroughly trounced this year, maybe because Satan got his blood sacrifice after all. A bit earlier, Azkath told Just Joe to take Olivia away. We no longer have a basement for him to take people to and do whatever it is he does to them there, but we do have a booth. So Azkath told Just Joe to take her there and do whatever he does, because she was being annoying, singing Christmas songs. Now, yes, I know, taking people to a booth doesn't sound nearly as bad or scary as taking them down into a basement, but apparently it is still really scary for the unlucky person Just Joe takes there, because Olivia could be heard screaming, and she came back broken, whimpering for Santa, which was mostly all she would say now. And, her night would get a lot worse, more on that in a second. Back to Just Joe now having to throw someone off the balcony... He chose the band's Tim, which was one reason why Olivia's night would get worse, as they are a couple, and Tim died being thrown off the balcony. But her night was still going to get even worse. Azkath was miffed that Tim had landed on his car, which he had specifically told him not to do, some people are so inconsiderate about where they die! He asked Just Joe why he couldn't have thrown him more to the left?! Just Joe said that Tim could have moved that way. Azkath told Olivia that he had a Christmas present for her, I guess the least he could do for taking her boyfriend away. Although, Tim was munching on Randy, so perhaps he is a zombie, and we may see him again after all, who knows? Azkath's Christmas present for Olivia was... He put on Just Joe's Porn Theme Music, which turns him into Porno Joe. Poor Olivia started screaming again, a lot, things like "GET AWAY FROM ME!", "GET OFF ME!", and, "GET IT OFF!", um, that last one was probably the wrong thing to yell, Olivia! Now, when Just Joe's Porn Music stops, he has no memory of what has just occurred, and so is clueless as to why people are screaming and freaking out. Azkath asked him what he was doing, and what was wrong with Olivia? Just Joe said he had no clue, he must have been helping her with her solitaire. Azkath started up his Porn Music again, and Olivia began screaming again. I guess she didn't like her Christmas present very much, she went back to whimpering, and then left. So, it wasn't a very good night for Olivia. First she had whatever she had done to her by Just Joe in the booth, she got covered in Randy gore, her boyfriend died, and, she got treated to Porno Joe. I wonder which of all of those she thinks is the worst? Losing Tim is probably bad, but I'm willing to bet it was Porno Joe! Jeremy and Just Joe got into a slap fight, which Azkath also got dragged into, only the slap he gave Just Joe was more of a punch. There were segments of Movie Time. And, of course, the program was all filled with music appropriate for the occasion, the first couple hours, The Armageddon part was all songs about the end of the world, serious and comedy, and, most of the rest of the night was music for to and about Satan, again, metal and comedy, with some Christmas music as well, also metal and comedy. Also, Sloth was present, but due to injuries he sustained at the The Last Exit For The Lost Presents Show, he broke his nose and cracked his orbital bone in the pit there, he was resting upstairs and could not participate. Feel better soon, Sloth. There was no Old School Hour in the final hour, so more satanic music, and some Christmas music, could be played as well. And, I would just like to say, that it wasn't a great night for me either, as I was disappointed that I didn't get to hear the Wham Christmas Song, which I joined Just Joe and Tim in wanting to hear, although, that is not my favorite Wham song, those would be, "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go", despite Olivia and the other Tim's nasty comments about that song, maybe I'm not feeling as sorry for them after all as I otherwise might have given all they went through, Tim, in addition to getting killed, also got beaten up, and well, I've already a numerated all the really bad things that happened to Olivia. So, thus went our part Armageddon, part We Love Satan Show. Whatever or whoever you are celebrating or not celebrating in this time, have a great time doing, or not doing that, everyone!!!!!

-Fire Eater Wizard

This was a very very special Last Exit For The Lost. It was something that doesn't happen often. Every few years, Christmas Day falls on a Sunday, and this is one of those years. So, yes, that's right, LE fell right on Christmas Day this year! And it was also the 7th pre anniversary count down to the end of the world on December 21st 2012, as it will be kinda hard to have anniversaries to that date after the end of the world, we do it now. Well, we may still be having anniversaries to it somewhere after the world ends, but, who knows where, what plane, dimension, or level, so, we do them now. That blended very nicely with the Christmas show. Those two themes go very well together. Present on this very special night were: Just Joe, Electric Vodka Dude, Rub McGroin, and, two people who had not been there in a very long time... Former co-host from a long time ago, The Quaker, Hollywood Bri Bri (The Evil Shy Guy), and his Quaker wife. Of course, since it was Christmas Day, LE wanted to have all the meaningful traditions and accoutrements to celebrate this holiday. And to be in the spirit of the day, holy, giving, and kind. There was a Christmas tree... But, as it as very wrong to chop down and murder all those poor trees to celebrate a day that's supposed to be all about love and peace, it was not an actual tree. It was a much more festive and less cruel tree... It was made entirely out of barbed wire. Now, isn't that MUCH BETTER!? I'm sure this tradition will catch on really fast now, and, next year, everyone will have that kind of tree instead of killing all those poor trees! I know mine is going to be that kind from now on. Now, of course, a Christmas tree needs a star, and, since Just Joe is a star, (a radio star), a dim one, but one nonetheless, it was decided that he should be hung (Heh heh, heh heh, I said "Hung!") on top of the tree. So, Azkath took Just Joe and put him on top of the tree. This star, resisted however, (funny, I never heard of a star fighting being put on the tree), so it turned into a brawl on the barbed wire, with Just Joe, Azkath, and Electric Vodka Dude participating in it. They did however, finally succeed in getting the star impaled, err, I mean, very nicely placed atop the tree to decorate it. It was lovely! Sooo Christmasy! Then, at The next talk break, Just Joe had become the tree, and the barbed wire was all wrapped around him to decorate him. He looked gorgeous. Then his Hugging Music was played, and Just Joe, all wrapped in barbed wire, ran around the room hugging everyone. Can't you just feel all the love!? Bri Bri proved to be pretty successful in fending off Just Joe's hugs, it took Just Joe a long time to accomplish hugging him, and Rub used a chair as a barrier. They told Just Joe that Bri Bri just LOVES to have people muss up, play with, and pet his hair. So, as a Christmas present to him, Just Joe should do that to him. Just Joe went to do this... Now, in truth, Bri Bri hates this. He chased Just Joe outside, and threw him into a snowman that was out there. Just Joe came back inside covered in snowman. Very Christmasy! Now it was time for the big Christmas pageant. You can't have Christmas without that. Azkath told us the Christmas Story as he had researched it on the Internet. It was an extremely moving rendition of the Christmas Story, and, of course, entirely factual. I don't remember ever hearing that The 3 Wise Men were actually aliens and that the Star Of Bethlehem was a spaceship, but, if it came from the Internet, you know it must be true. See what an educational show LE is! You never knew you could learn while you were having all this fun, did you? The pageant was complete with a manger scene, with, of course, a baby Jesus. But, in the midst of this beautiful holy pageant, a tentacle came up the basement stairs, grabbed the baby Jesus, and carried it off into the basement. Everyone was very distraught at this rather bizarre turn of events. How could they have their Christmas pageant without the baby Jesus!? Just Joe was dispatched with haste to the basement to rescue the baby Jesus. Now, Just Joe has always badly botched up any task he's ever been given to carry out. But hey, this is Christmas, the time for miracles! Well, actually there was a miracle, but more on that in a bit, this was not it. Just Joe getting smart, that is just too big a miracle to ask of even Christmas! Bringing people back from the dead, no problem, sure, but not that. So, Just Joe badly screwed up this assignment too. They had him call upstairs on the phone, so they could follow the progress of the rescue mission. Just Joe said that some kind of tentacled infant stealing octopus like creature had the baby Jesus. They told him to get the baby Jesus back. There was the loud sound of machine gun fire. They asked Just Joe what was going on, that sounded like machine gun fire? Just Joe said that it was. They asked him where he had gotten the gun. Just Joe said that he always carries one on him. Now see, that should illustrate for you just how incredibly stupid Just Joe really is, and why that is way beyond the help of any miracle, even on Christmas... If he always has a machine gun on him, then why has he never thought to use it to fight off the many many many brutal beat downs and killings he has sustained over the years. Or to use it against the monster, and killer spiders that captured him in the basement other times? There was more gunfire. They asked him if he had the baby Jesus back. He said he did. They told him to bring it back upstairs so they could continue the pageant. And Just Joe did bring the baby Jesus back, and it was in many many many pieces. They told Just Joe that he had done a terrible job of rescuing the baby Jesus. They all turned on him, telling him it was all his fault that now they had no baby Jesus, and the pageant, and Christmas, was ruined. Foul Mouth Girl told them they were all being too mean to Just Joe. They told Just Joe that Foul Mouth Girl was going to show him her boobs, and give him a hug. As she was doing this, she also drove a big long knife into Just Joe's chest, killing him. For a minute everyone was extremely happy about this... Until they remembered that this was Christmas, and you just can't have a tragedy like a brutal murder occur on Christmas. However, on Christmas, they had learned from their research, from tragedy can come a miracle, through prayer and faith. It was decided that the way to pray for a Christmas miracle to save Just Joe, would be to play some Stryper. They asked God to bring Just Joe back, and played the Stryper... And, after a few minutes of Stryper, oh miracle of miracles!, lo and behold!, Just Joe was alive again! Alive and fine! Well, not quite fine, still really stupid, but, like I said, some things are just too much for even a Christmas miracle to fix. Just Joe said that while he had been dead, he had spoken with God and hung out with Jesus. He said that Jesus was actually, (as the song says) a cool dude. And he said that God had some messages for all of us. First off, God hates Stryper, Just Joe said that God had said they were to destroy every Stryper album, and never to even think about getting any more, he HATES Stryper! He also said that all manger scenes are completely wrong, and Mary was no Virgin, but confirmed the Wise Men being aliens and the star being a spaceship thing, but we knew that was never in any doubt anyways, as it came from the Internet, and, therefore, is Gospel. But God confirmed it anyways. Just Joe also said that God had also said, and this was really really important, that anime was the coolest thing ever. But, it was immediately understood that Just Joe had made that one up himself and tried to attribute it to God, as Just Joe loves anime. Just Joe said that God said heaven was full of hot naked chicks. Again, see how educational this show is! And we learned still more truths, as Rub then read a long moving story about how Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer really got his red nose. It was a long tale, but what it boils down to is that, shortly after the birth of Jesus, Rudolph saved the baby Jesus's life, was mortally wounded in the nose while doing so, and The baby Jesus touched his nose and restored his life. And ever after, the nose glowed. Isn't that a beautiful story!? Then there was a surprise visit... From Santa. Santa said that he had brought just one present, and it was for Just Joe, as Santa felt sorry for Just Joe, because they were all always being so mean to him. Just Joe opened his gift... And it was a box just full of Shiny Rocks. Everyone told Just Joe they were happy for him, now he had lots and lots of Shinys, and they were all thrilled for him about that. However, by now Just Joe was suspicious of Shinys as he's had so many of them explode on him recently. He is slow, but he does catch on after a while. He said he was going to dispose of the box of Shinys. And, as he was attempting to do that, every one of the Shinys exploded all over Just Joe. He was now COVERED in shiny black stuff. Well, actually, it still fit the Christmas theme, as he looked like he was covered in coal, so he must have been very naughty this year. Santa was very pleased with himself, he said that even Santa likes a practical joke now and then, and besides, he hated Just Joe too. Just Joe dedicated a song to Santa, "Santa Is A Fat Bitch". And then there was another surprise visitor... Satan. He said he had just had to come. What was with all this Christmas music, and celebrating that holiday!? Giving all the glory to God and The baby Jesus!? Why weren't they praising and worshiping Satan!? They said that well, because it was Christmas. Satan said that that was no excuse! Then Just Joe piped up and said that he had some more words from God. He told Satan that God said hi, what's up? And he said that God had also said that Satan had gotten a bad rap over all of these years. And centuries. And millennia. That, actually, God liked Satan. They Asked Satan his opinion of Stryper. Satan said that he loved Stryper, because when kids listen to them, they think they suck so much, that they go out and buy really evil metal music. They asked Satan how he was doing with his TIVO (Satan has claimed for some time now that TIVO was going to help him rule the world, but, for a long time, he didn't realize that you need to plug it in for it to work). Satan said that it was going much better, now that he had plugged it in, and still insisted that it is going to help him take over the world, that there is a button on it for that purpose. So, you might want to look for that button on your own TIVO, and perhaps you can rule the world. So, it was decided that, since it was alright with God, since he liked Satan and all, that for the rest of the show, they would play really evil black metal, Like Cradle Of Filth covering Slayer, Exodus, Exhorder, and so on and so forth. Up until that point, lots of Christmas music had been played throughout the night. Metal Christmas music, and comedy Christmas songs and narrations, yes, but Christmas themed stuff nonetheless. But for the rest of the night it was all a tribute to Satan, evil black metal. The show ended with one more beating and killing of Just Joe, for me, which is the best Christmas present I could ask for! I'm sure the best thing I will receive by far! Thanks guys! Sooo thoughtful, just what I wanted, and so in keeping with the true spirit of Christmas! The feature Artist to end out this very very special Last Exit For The Lost Christmas/7th Pre Anniversary Count Down To The End Of The World Show was Coven. And so that was the big event. It was truly beautiful, moving, and filled with all the things that Christmas is supposed to be about: Kindness, love, peace, holiness, gentleness, and good will. 

-Fire Eater Wizard

When we showed up to do our show on May 13th, we found out that our building was condemned, as you can see from the above pic. This wasn't that big of a shock really, as the building hasn't been in the best of shape for many years. Also, not surprising was a note below it for WVBR personal to continue as usual. So, while doing the show on that night we had to pack up our entire CD collection, Record Collection, and miscellaneous other things. This was not a small task and took most of the night, hence the reason that the show came off a little more disjointed than normal that night. It was pretty chaotic, but we had to have everything out by Sunday night. It was about a month before we moved into the new building on Mitchell St. I tried to fix up this recording as best I could. Filled in most of the gaps and cleaned the sound up. Enjoy this piece of history. We did it as a Tribuet to the Past Show, another of our regular themes, as we used those shows to focus on older music. 

One of our early We Love Satan Shows. There are some breaks where tapes ran out, but most of it is here. The idea came about when one of the other station personal, made some comment about everyone who listens to Metal being into Satan. Azkath responded, that's right, We All LOVE Satan. Then the idea for the show was born. Focus on the Satanic music, and do it with a sense of humor and very tongue in cheek. Mostly...